Jamming a Pair of Scissors Repeatedly Into Your Crotch

http://www.armchair.mb.ca/~scissors/

'The reason some movements thrive and others die is because of two simple reasons: unity and education. After years of being underground and unheard of, the sport/art/way of life that is the jamming of scissors finally has a resource that will help tie the loose threads of curious folks and rogue extremists together.

Who would've thought it would take so long to produce a comprehensive and all-encompassing site on the art of scissor jamming? Certainly, it's about time that this informative site gets the attention it deserves.

So, members of Obsessive Users of Crotch Harmers (O.U.C.H.) and independent jammers alike can final wipe the sweat of their brows and relax. This site provides not only a history of jamming scissors and a list of celebrity jammers but also an intuitive list of Dos and Don'ts that are to live and die by. Here is a sample question and answer from the section:

Hey, isn't this just a metaphor for masturbation?

No. If blood spurts out of you when you masturbate, you should see a doctor.

You may shirk in fear and repulsion at the thought of others stabbing themselves with sharp objects in delicate areas. You may be in disbelief, asking yourself, "Do people really do this?"

To that we respond, "Are you that gullible?" Please do not jam scissors into your crotch. We at the Colorado Daily do not advocate it, nor do we take responsibility for your actions. It's just sick, dark, and twisted humor. Enjoy.

For more information, visit the local Planned Jammerhood chapter.